Colorado Avalanche to Debut Snow Surge for Playoffs

The Colorado Avalanche want to put on an even greater show for their fans if/when they make the playoffs this year.

The Colorado Avalanche have decided to debut a new entertainment spectacle for the playoffs. They’re calling it the Snow Surge, and it’s in no way related to the Storm Surge the Carolina “Bunch of Jerks” Hurricanes implemented during their home wins.

Ok, it’s completely inspired by the Storm Surge, but it’s put on by our Avs players, so that instantly makes their show better.

In case you’re unaware, the Carolina Hurricanes became infamous for their “Storm Surge” post-game celebrations. After games they’d won at home, they’d enact elaborate celebrations to the delight of their fans.

The Storm Surge was the brain child of Hurricanes captain Justin Williams, a showman who has even made his hair gigantic to please the crowds. The Hurricanes have struggled in recent seasons, so the performances by their players were a boon to die-hard fans.

The Storm Surge paid homage to other sports, such as baseball and basketball, as well as other themes such as a Thor hammer strike or duck hunting. The celebrations became quite elaborate, involving PNC Arena’s scoreboard and even local celebrities. Carolina’s Duck Hunt celebration:

Part of the appeal came from the fact that the Hurricanes were perpetual underdogs. Yet they were just making hockey fun for their fans.

If you’ve ever listened to a Canadian broadcast of hockey, you’ll notice that it’s a lot more serious than US broadcasts. So, it should come as no surprise that Hockey Night in Canada dinosaur commentator Don Cherry was less than a fan of the Storm Surge. Despite the fact that Cherry is infamous for wearing curtains as sport coats, he declared the Hurricanes’ Storm Surge to be an embarrassment to the sport and the athletes themselves “A bunch of jerks.”

Cherry warned that the Hurricanes better not try that fun stuff in the playoffs. Williams was undeterred by Cherry’s warnings — what would one elderly commentator do? — but he did announce via tweet that the Storm Surge would be coming to an end:

Such capitulation didn’t necessarily sit well with the Colorado Avalanche captain, the ever-so-dramatic Gabriel Landeskog. He may have no need for making his hair gigantic via products and a blow dryer — it’s quite impressive all on its own — Landy nonetheless felt the death of the Storm Surge was premature,

Hurricanes are unpredictable natural disasters. You know what else is an unpredictable natural disaster? An avalanche.

Captain Landeskog declared, “The Storm Surge may be dead for the playoffs. But when the Avalanche make the playoffs, we’ll implement the Snow Surge.”

No telling exactly what the Snow Surge might look like. Altitude TV analyst Kyle Keefe spoke out about his willingness to take part in such a spectacle:

“I’ve done so many special reports for Altitude where I fall off of snow platforms or nearly die at sub-zero temperatures, that a little Snow Surge celly won’t be a problem.”

Color analyst and former Avs player Mark Rycroft concurred:

“If I can do the relay race in a suit and tie, I can participate in a Snow Surge.”

While it was captain Landy’s idea to implement a Snow Surge, certain youngsters ran away with the idea. And by that I mean Tyson Jost wants to perform in a Snow Surge. This is a young man who’s not afraid to sing, he’s not afraid to dance, and he’s all but assured a job in the far future as a hockey commentator.

Jost remarked:

“It’s a good idea, for sure. We’re going to put on a good show for the fans in the playoffs. I’ve been working hard, practicing some of my singing and dancing moves. I know I can contribute to the team. Comphy, though… he’s totally tone deaf.”

While JT Compher couldn’t be reached for comment — he was busy signing a stick to give to our own Callie — another humbug did remark on the idea. Alternate captain Erik Johnson remarked that he wanted to keep his focus on the game, not any celebratory antics. When pressed, he did admit that he could do a wicked Borat impression.

The only barrier to the Snow Surge has come from Jared Bednar. In a presser unsurpisingly devoid of subjects, Bednar declared the idea of a Snow Surge “distracting,” especially in the playoffs.

Personally, I’d like to see an actual avalanche tumble to the ice whenever certain teams visit Pepsi Center. Could you imagine Patrick K*ne and the rest of the Blackhawks players getting churned up in an actual avalanche at Pepsi Center? Of course, the Hawks aren’t making the playoffs.

And the Colorado Avalanche aren’t implementing a Snow Surge. Happy April Fools, Avs Nation.

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Note: I initially conceived of a post like this with the Avs putting on an elaborate intermission performance. Then the Hurricanes, those bunch of jerks, stole my idea for their post-win celebration.