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Colorado Avalanche Players as Star Wars Characters

By Nadia Archuleta |
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Today is May the 4th, the unofficial “Star Wars Day” because “May the 4th” sounds like the famous “May the force be with you” line from Star Wars. In honor if this Big Bang Theory-esque holiday, let’s look at which Colorado Avalanche players would best channel the different characters from Star Wars.

Now, fair warning, I’ve only ever seen each Star Wars movie once. Plus, there are certain characters that could be represented by different players — ie. they can’t all be Luke Skywalker. Plus, though there’s obviously not a villain on our team, I’m not going to name an opponent to an important character like Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker.

So, with those caveats in mind, let’s look at Avalanche players as Star Wars characters.

The Robots

Colorado Avalanche defenseman Nick Holden as C-3PO. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

C-3PO — Nick Holden

C-3PO is an affable but relatively ineffectual hero. He’s tall, he’s thin, he’s slightly awkward.

Defenseman Nick Holden is an affable but relatively ineffectual defenseman. He got better as the year progressed, but the first couple months were brutal for Holden — and the Avs as they tried to staunch the hemorrhage of their third defensive pairing. However, even then the tall, slightly awkward Nick Holden was hard to hate for long — off the ice anyway.

R2-D2 — Ryan O’Reilly

R2-D2 is a misunderstood robot. Of course, that’s mostly because he beeps rather than speaks. However, though he’s not one of the main heroes, his contributions to the Resistance are very important.

Center Ryan O’Reilly is a little misunderstood, largely because of his contractual disputes. That said, as a player who dominates in takeaways and is overall a great two-way forward, his contributions to the Avalanche are very important.

The Sages

Colorado Avalanche winger Alex Tanguay as Yoda. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Obi-Wan Kenobi — Jarome Iginla

Obi-Wan Kenobi is renowned for being one of the mentors of the young Jedi Knights in the Star Wars movies. His character always remains calm under pressure but can, well, kick butt when the need arose.

Winger Jarome Iginla was brought in to the Avalanche to be a mentor to the young forwards on the team. He’s very unflappable when you see him giving interviews, and I surmise he’s the same in the locker room. Iggy can fight, though, no question.

Yoda — Alex Tanguay

It’s not just the hair — or lack. Yoda is a tough little creature that not many people realize can also kick butt. He’s seen all, done all and can levitate.

I’m not sure if winger Alex Tanguay can levitate exactly, but he’s got the sniper shot only a veteran can effect. He’s the only current member of the team who won the Stanley Cup as an Avalanche. Plus he’s the type of player who can take an Alex Ovechkin slap shot to the face and only miss a couple games. And it’s the bald thing,

The Role Players

Colorado Avalanche defenseman Jan Hejda as a stormtrooper. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Stormtoopers — Jan Hejda, John Mitchell, Cody McLeod

Ok, granted, stormtroopers are bad guys. They kept the Empire in line with their tactics. However, no one can question their loyalty to their leaders, not to mention their work ethic.

Can anyone question what hard workers defenseman Jan Hejda, center John Mitchell and winger Cody McLeod are. Though only McLeod could be characterized as an enforcer, Hejda is one big trooper, and Mitchell is not afraid to throw down. They are exactly the types of players you want day in and day out grinding away for your team.

Ewok — Tyson Barrie

Ewoks are cute but fierce little warriors. They resemble teddy bears.

Defenseman Tyson Barrie is a cute but fierce little defenseman. He resembles a teddy bear. I think this comparison is actually pretty self-evident.

The Villains

Colorado Avalanche goalie Semyon Varlamov as Darth Vader. Mandatory Credit: Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Anakin Skywalker — Erik Johnson

Admit it — you always kind of liked the tall, edgy Anakin Skywalker. You knew what he was going to become, but you couldn’t hate him. He’s the quintessential bad boy you love.

Tall, edgy, bit of a bad boy — that’s defenseman Erik Johnson, too. Sure, he’s known for being a peach of an individual off the ice, but on the ice — he’s as fierce and hated as Anakin Skywalker.

Darth Vader — Semyon Varlamov

Darth Vader is the perfect antagonist, especially once you consider his backstory. He’s scary if you’re his opponent, and I bet it’s not too comfortable being in a room with him even when you’re on the same side.

Varly/Vader — kind of had to go there. Plus, for opponents, facing down goalie Semyon Varlamov must be just as intimidating as coming across Darth Vader. The goalie has magic.

The Emperor — Patrick Roy

Evil — pure evil is the Emperor. Yet he is a mastermind. The force of the Empire emanates from the Emperor.

Head coach Patrick Roy is pure, mad genius, and for 29 other teams, he’s as evil as the Emperor. The force of the Avalanche emanates from this great man.

Honorable Mention: Naturally, the Minnesota Wild would be Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar Binks is known as being the stupidest, most annoying Star Wars character ever made. The Minnesota Wild… well, you get the comparison.

The Heroes

Colorado Avalanche center Matt Duchene as Luke Skywalker. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Chewbacca — Nathan MacKinnon

Chewbacca is an inarticulate hero. If you’re a villain, though, he’s possibly the last soldier you’d want to encounter. He is skilled. Plus, he’s hairy.

Center Nathan MacKinnon is still a teenager and, let’s face it, still pretty inarticulate. He’s one skilled and talented forward, though, and only getting better. Plus, he’s usually got pretty good hockey flow.

Hans Solo — Gabriel Landeskog

There are two main heroes of the Star Wars franchise. Hans Solo is the more gregarious of the two, charming, roguish, the captain — popular with the ladies. He also got frozen for a time in carbonite.

Left wing Gabriel Landeskog — well, first of all, he’s the captain. He’s a hero on the team for sure, finishing second in scoring this season. He’s roguish, with that whole “Balls out all the way” awhile back. He’s charming, he’s good-looking, he’s got a way with the ladies. Plus, ahem, his scoring was frozen for about five weeks early in the season.

Luke Skywalker — Matt Duchene

In the end, Luke Skywalker is the franchise favorite. He’s a bit of a loner, but he’s as passionate and determined as anyone. He’s also the most gifted of all the Jedi Knights.

If hockey did franchise players like other sports do, center Matt Duchene would be that man. He bleeds burgundy and blue, and he is the milestone by which other players are graded. He’s passionate and determined, though a bit of a loner. Matt Duchene is the Colorado Avalanche’s Jedi Knight.

What do you think, Avs Nation? Oh, and “May the 4th be with you.”

Next: Avs Players Mourn Derek Shepherd

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