Mile High Sticking
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Colorado Avalanche: Players I’d Invite to my Birthday Party

By Nadia Archuleta

DENVER, COLORADO - MAY 06: Sven Andrighetto and Philipp Grubauer of the Colorado Avalanche arrive for their game against the San Jose Sharks during Game Six of the Western Conference Second Round during the 2019 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs at the Pepsi Center on May 6, 2019 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)
DENVER, COLORADO - MAY 06: Sven Andrighetto and Philipp Grubauer of the Colorado Avalanche arrive for their game against the San Jose Sharks during Game Six of the Western Conference Second Round during the 2019 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs at the Pepsi Center on May 6, 2019 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images) /
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Spoiler alert: This Colorado Avalanche post isn’t serious. But it’s a fun little romp.

Colorado Avalanche players will not be coming to my birthday party, and that’s sad. Especially since I have a very nice Avs birthday cake from Gateuax Bakery.

Well, anyway, if I were a socialite, the kind of person who might expect famous people to show up for her birthday party, I’d definitely include some Avalanche players. Now, you might think it makes sense to invite all the players, and certainly I wouldn’t have a guard at the door turning any of them down. However, I think the following players would be so much fun in a birthday setting.

So, let’s have at it. Below are some players who would get the so-exclusive invite to my Gateaux-oriented part.

Tyson Jost

No one would be more fun at a party than Tyson Jost. He sings. He dances. He eats cake. And he has the most sparkling personality.

Erik Johnson

Of course my favorite would get an invite. He’d have to promise to dance super awkward, though.

Gabriel Landeskog

No matter how EJ danced, the Captain would keep things from getting super awkward. He’d also be the one going around, making sure everyone was having a good time even though it wasn’t his party. I’m sure he’s just that good of a host.

Ian Cole

I’m not a huge fan of the man as a player, and I’m not even sure if I like him as a person. However, he looks like he likes heavy metal. And he was pretty funny when I met him at the Mile High Dreams gala.

Matt Nieto

I’ve got to include my fellow Latino.

Matt Calvert

At a game a few months back, I was on the glass for warmups. Foolishly, I placed my beer on the bumper near the glass. Calvert purposely hit the glass so that my beer went flying. I know it was on purpose because one of my friends says he did the same thing to her in California. So, he owes me a beer. My friend, too.

Colin Wilson

We can have some serious talk about spirituality and psychology, which he’s into.

Philipp Grubauer

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I’d be sure to play some Rammstein at my party, and German Philipp Grubauer is the only one who could explain the lyrics to me.

Andre Burakovsy

He’s weird, and I like that. He takes photos of himself in bed at furniture stores and forgets Tom Wilson at practice and is just something of a hot mess. I like that, too.

Joonas Donskoi

He’d have to bring his two cats, Lilly and Finn.

Nazem Kadri

Ditto — he’d have to bring his cat, Jazzy.

Sam Girard

He’d have to bring Tornade, his dog. And talk to me about his tattoo. And an Ink Master finalist in Grand Junction is considering me to be a canvas for his art which is off-topic.

Vladislav Kamenev

Our young Russian shows up to everything you invite him to, whether he understands what’s going on or not. What’s more, he and I share a birthday. We have different birth years, of course. But I’d want to celebrate with the player who shares the same astrology stars as me.

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Now, as for the rest of the players, as I said, I’d never turn them away. To be honest, I wouldn’t turn away any Colorado Avalanche fan, either. Like I said, I’ve got the Avs cake and lots of Avs opinions to argue.

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