NCIS Investigates Recent Colorado Avalanche Hockey

Eleanor Bishop

The Colorado Avalanche had difficulty getting started against the Carolina Hurricanes. Mandatory Credit: James Guillory-USA TODAY Sports

Eleanor sits on the floor with an array of arena-style snacks in front of her. She picks up a handful of popcorn, shoves several kernels in her mouth, and munches thoughtfully.

“Nathan MacKinnon,” she finally pronounces. “On an assist from John Mitchell.” She further munches and adds, “And Gabriel Landeskog. I was eating this popcorn when MacKinnon scored his first period goal against the Chicago Blackhawks. It was less than a minute into the game.”

Ah, yes, that was one of those times that the Colorado Avalanche came out ready to play. They also drew first blood against the Ottawa Senators. In both cases they maintained their lead, something they failed to do during early games of the season.

Bishop selects a hot dog. She takes a bite, and then wrinkles her nose. “Not very fresh.” Is she talking about the hot dog or the Avalanche’s start against the Carolina Hurricanes. “Both,” she answers. Taking one for the team, she takes another nibble and then sets the hot dog aside. “They looked like an AHL team trying to play against an NHL team.”

Ouch. However, that description is apt. As head coach Patrick Roy points out, while it’s true the Avs had played the night before in Washington, that’s not the main reason they allowed 20 shots against them:

“I don’t like to attribute that to the fact that we played the night before. We just lost our battles. We had so many turnovers and giveaways. We were not sharp at all.”

It’s true that the Avs have had difficulty playing 60 minutes no matter their previous-game status. Why, we wonder.

Donald “Ducky” Mallard

Colorado Avalanche center

was the best face-off man in the game against the Washington Capitals, even though he won only half the battles. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

We find Ducky presiding over the boxscore of the Washington Capitals game as if it’s a cadaver. He’s already talking, clearly to the dead body of the Avs’ 2-1 loss.

“I bet you thought you were ready for this game. You had your star goalie back, and you were relatively healthy for a change. But then Mr. Beagle scored in the first period – I always did like beagles, but Mother preferred her Welsh corgis. Said they were the canine of queens…”

He notices our arrival. “Ah, I see you’d like some answers. Well, I don’t have definitive cause of death yet, but this game had a definite case of faceoff syndrome.”

Faceoff syndrome?

“The Avalanche did not win their faceoff battles. Not one single center recorded a winning faceoff percentage. The closest was Mr. O’Reilly — he won half his battles.”

A 50% faceoff percentage was the best? Matt Duchene didn’t better that?

“No, no, he only won 46% — only 33% of those in the offensive zone. Hard to get a shot onto the goal if you don’t have possession of the puck in the offensive zone.”

Ok, Dutchy has struggled with faceoffs this year. How about John Mitchell? He’s been one of the strongest faceoff winners for the Avs all season.

Ducky makes a face. “22% — and not a single one in the neutral zone.”

At that point, Jimmy Palmer wanders in. “How about all the penalties the Avalanche took?”

“Ah, yes, the penalties. Well, that roughing penalty Mr. Varlamov took certainly did cost them, didn’t it? His countryman, Mr. Ovechkin, scored the game-winning goal on the power play. Speaking of Russian hockey, did you know that originally they called it ‘bandy’? Yes, the game was even played with a small ball instead of a puck.”

Fascinating, but how does that explain the Avalanche’s inability to play a full 60 minutes?

“Ah, yes, well it all comes down to focus. For some reason these fit young men are having difficulty maintaining their focus for a full game. Of course, the sport is a grueling one. Your average 6-foot, 200-pound man burns at least 700 calories in a game.”

Let’s get back to the focus. How can the Avs improve in that field?

Ducky shrugs. “I just diagnose. Try Ms. Sciuto for an analysis of solving the problem.”

Anthony DiNozzo & Tim McGee

Colorado Avalanche center Matt Duchene should not be having to get physical with the likes of St. Louis Blues forward

. Mandatory Credit: Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports

On our way to Abby’s lab, we encounter Tony and Tim bickering.

“Listen, McGinn, MacKinnon, MacLeod,” Tony teases, “It’s like in that movie ‘Youngblood.’ One of the most overlooked hockey movies ever, starring a young Patrick Swayze and an even younger Rob Lowe.”

McGee asks, “Besides being about hockey, what does ‘Youngblood’ have to do with the way the Avalanche are playing?”

“Remember that scene when Rob Lowe’s character Dean Youngblood is told he has to learn to fight if he wants to make it in professional hockey? And he says, ‘They’ll have to catch me to hit me!'”

So… the Avs need to fight more? What about Cody McLeod and his Highlander fists? Not to mention Gabe Landeskog and his captain fight. Jarome Iginla, John Mitchell…

“You’ve got your speedy players, Matt Duchene and Nathan MacKinnon. They can’t score if they’re getting checked in the kidneys every shift.”

McGee interrupts. “You want Duchene and MacKinnon to drop the gloves? They’re skill players, Tony.”

Well, yes, but they’re scrappy-

“No, McGoon, the speedy skill guys shouldn’t be dropping the gloves.” Tony says. “Youngblood had Patrick Swayze’s character Derek Sutton to protect him. Duchene and MacKinnon need their own Sutton.”

Indeed, Sidney Crosby has Robert Bortuzzo — there might be some validity to that argument.

At that point Tony starts talking about that silly “Mystery, Alaska” movie — as if a Saturday club hockey team could ever beat an NHL squad like the New York Rangers — so we decide to keep heading for Abby’s lab.

Abby Sciuto

Abby, sipping a Caff-Pow, is watching 25 seconds of hockey frame by frame. As we draw closer, we see it’s Avalanche goalie

‘s save on John Michael Liles.

Excited, she points to the beginning of the play. “See how Jordan Staal just skates right into the zone? Nate Guenin, Gabriel Landeskog and Ryan O’Reilly are all chasing him, but they can’t catch up.”

So, the problem is the usual — lack of defense?

“Wait, I’m not done. Watch this.” She plays the next few frames. “Landeskog boxes him out. See, then Calvin Pickard drops into the classic butterfly and makes a save. But watch this.”

The puck bounces off of Pickard’s pads, and John Michael Liles scoops it up, firing it off toward Pickard again. He drops back into the butterfly, and the puck rebounds again. “See, rebounds.”

So, Picks doesn’t cover the puck enough?

“Well, by this point in the game, he’s faced something like 30 shots — and the game isn’t even half over.”

That’s a lot of shots in a short period of time.

“Yes, it is. It’s hard to control the puck perfectly when you’re facing that many shots. But look at this.”

We watch the next few seconds. O’Reilly corrals the second rebound and passes it right to MacKinnon. He moves up the ice with speed — of course. For the most part, he has time. However, he winds up and… PING!

“He had Anton Khudobin beat, but the puck luck wasn’t with him.”

“Rule #1: You make your own luck.”

We all whirl around. Who’s here? The guy with all the answers, of course.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Rules for the Colorado Avalanche

Rule #1: Make your own luck.

Pick up the puck and keep shooting it. As defenseman Erik Johnson points out, sometimes you’ll get a lucky bounce, and your confidence will skyrocket.

Rule #2: Keep it simple.

Fancy plays are fun and make the highlight reel. However, when the puck isn’t going in, go back to basic hockey. (Unless you’re Matt Duchene — his patented behind-the-net spin-o-rama is actually working.)

Rule #3: Trust your goalie.

But don’t rely on him. Whether it’s Calvin Pickard or Semyon Varlamov in net, asking him to face 35, 40, 50 shots every game is ridiculous.

Rule #4: Trust your instincts.

And rely on them. You’ve been playing hockey since you could walk. You know every aspect of the game, your game. Trust those instincts.

Rule #5: Never apologize.

Hockey fans get a little passionate sometimes. When the game doesn’t go our way, we can even get a little critical. Don’t apologize for playing Colorado Avalanche hockey, even when you’re breaking the rules. Put the work in, and play your game.

We, the Avs Nation, still believe in you.