Last summer, the Colorado Avalanche announced a partnership with Food Network, which turned out to be a big hit. The players were able too cook up a lot of success on their shows, and even when things got messy in the kitchen, the fans were entertained.
To continue to build on the legend of imaginary TV programming, that never really happened, the Colorado Avalanche are pleased to announce an exciting new Christmas special, featuring a very special story, about a very special player.
Our story begins, in the heart of Minnesota, where a young boy subtly told his parents he would like an Easton Red Ryder flex shaft hockey stick, with a goal horn in the shaft. “No,” said his parents, “you’ll knock your teeth out.” Erik’s grin turned to dismay, and a look of defeat seeped across his face. His pearly whites, his parents were so afraid would be knocked loose, were hidden by a frown.
Erik was a resilient young lad though. He wouldn’t let things like adversity or expectations unfulfilled slow him down. Erik laced up his hockey skates, and jumped onto the ice of a nearby pond. He skated around, envisioning himself under the arena lights of an NHL arena, with visions of game-winning goals, fans chanting his name, and sugarplums dancing in his head. “Johnson skates the puck in, he dekes, he shoots…. he scorrreesssss.”
The cold crisp air helped to clear Erik’s mind, and he was struck with an idea. “I’ll just ask Santa, for my Easton Red Ryder flex shaft hockey stick, with a goal horn in the shaft,” he thought. Surely Santa Claus will come through. Johnson quickly ditched his skates for a pair of sneakers, and dashed off to the the town square, where a portly man with slightly too much eggnog in his system was doing his best impersonation of Santa Claus.
Erik impatiently stood in line, wishing he had something in his mouth he could play with, or use to freak the other kids out with. Some gnarly fake teeth would certainly do the trick. Ah well, maybe someday Erik dreamed.
Finally, it was Erik’s turn to hop on Santa’s lap. Santa asked him what he would like for Christmas, and for a moment Erik had completely lost his train of thought. “I’d like a toy train,” said Erik with panic sweat dripping down his brow. Santa nodded and his leather gloved hands moved toward the young boy to toss him into the fluffy padding posing as snow. A feeling of dread hit Erik right in the stomach. A toy train, he thought to himself. “What the fudge, am I thinking… this must be what Mike Modano feels like when a burly defenseman is charging in for a body check.”
As Erik was falling into the fluffy pile of fake snow, he shouted out, “nooooo, that’s not what I want.” Santa glanced back, thinking “this suit is really giving me a bad case of swamp-ass.”
Erik sat up, and proudly told Santa, “I want an Easton Red Ryder flex shaft hockey stick, with a goal horn in the shaft.” Santa scoffed, “you’ll knock your teeth out kid.”
Erik couldn’t believe what he just heard, and flopped back into the snow, thinking his life was over. How would he ever get his hands on his prized hockey stick now. With his luck, he was sure he’d be opening another pink bunny suit from his grandmother on Christmas morning. What a nightmare.
The big day finally arrived, and while logic said otherwise, he was still optimistic that his Easton Red Ryder flex shaft hockey stick, with goal horn in the shaft would be under the tree. Johnson tore through all of the gifts, but to his dismay, no twig. His father asked if he had gotten everything he wanted, and without hiding the disappointment in his face, Erik sad, “yeah pretty much.”
Erik sat up, and proudly told Santa, “I want an Easton Red Ryder flex shaft hockey stick, with a goal horn in the shaft.” Santa scoffed, “you’ll knock your teeth out kid.”
Erik’s dad, with a smirk on his face, jumped up and grabbed one last present that had been hiding in the corner. Erik quickly recognized the shape of the package, and ripped off the red and green paper. Inside, in all it’s glory, was an Easton Red Ryder flex shaft hockey stick, with a goal horn in the shaft. Erik jumped for joy, and quickly darted outside.
Snow was falling lightly on the pond, as Erik skated around with his new prized possession. He conveniently had a hockey puck and net, despite the entire premise of the story being convincing his parents to buy him a piece of hockey equipment, and took slapshots with his new stick for the rest of the morning. Every time he tickled the twine on a shot, he pressed a button on the shaft of the stick, and a surprisingly audible foghorn echoed into the Minnesota wilderness.
Erik ran back in the house at lunchtime, with the smell of hot cocoa resonating within the house, and the fireplace crackling. All was well. Erik even flashed a sheepish grin to his mother and father, showing all of his teeth intact and in place.
Today, Erik plays for the best professional hockey team in all the land, the Colorado Avalanche. Our very own Christmas miracle. Erik still smiles to this day, any time he has a hockey stick in his hand, but wait… what happened to your teeth?!