Avs’ Scariest Goons, Halloween TBT

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Cody McLeod is the closest thing the Colorado Avalanche have to an enforcer or “goon” right now. This energy player, while ready to scrap at a moment’s notice — and having earned his 1,000th penalty minute on a fight — cannot really be considered an enforcer. Plus, while his nose is lumpy as Christmas coal and he’s low on the Chiclet count, Cody-Mack has a surprisingly amiable visage.

So, in this edition of Throwback Thursday, let’s look at some of the scariest hockey enforcers — the kind of guys who would give you nightmares if you met them in a dark alley. Or a well-lit boulevard.

Scott Parker, 1998-2003, 2006-2008

Tatted and with a beard that would make Rob Zombie proud, Scott Parker has a definite scare vibe going. The 6-foot-5, 240 pound behemoth did two stints with the Avs. During that time, he logged 478 penalty minutes — not Cody McLeod territory, but respectable.

Parker was just a bad ass. While with the San Jose Sharks, he elbowed Nashville Predator player Jordin Tootoo, had a fit in the penalty box and attacked a Nashville player on the bench as he was being ejected from the game.

Watch Parker haul himself up on the glass to throw punches at Nashville player Brendan Witt:

He also made very disparaging remarks about injured Avs player Steve Moore:

"“[Moore] always thought he was better than everybody else. He went to Harvard, you know what, blow me. College grad. I never went to college, but I can kick your ass. I’ll bring you right down to my IQ level if you want. I’ll hit you about four times in the skull, that’ll bring you right down.”"

Parker eventually got terminated from the Avalanche for failing to go to Lake Erie when told. He currently runs a barber shop in Castle Rock, Colorado. (I actually met Parker once — he was perfectly personable.)

Chris Simon, 1992-1996

While Chris Simon is not as naturally scary-looking as Parker, he displayed some ugly behavior during his NHL career. Simon kept his nose pretty clean while he was with the Avalanche (and the Nordiques), though he did earn his career high in penalty minutes the season he as an Avalanche — 250.

Simon had some serious anger management problems. During his time in the NHL, he was suspended eight times, missing a total of 65 games. In 1997, while with the Washington Capitals, Simon used his stick to hit Edmonton Oilers skater Mike Grier. He did a lot worse damage to New York Rangers player Ryan Hollweg, hitting him in the face with a baseball bat-style swing. The next season, he stomped on Pittsburgh Penguins player Tim Jackman’s leg while Jackman was down.

After doing some time with the goon squad in Minnesota, Simon finally exited the NHL in 2008. Good riddance.

Jeff Odgers, 1997-2000

No, Odgers isn’t wearing a mask — that’s his face, crooked jaw, misshapen nose and all. Seriously, Cody-Mack looks downright refined next to Odgy. Like McLeod, though, he was a scrappy, hard-working player who knew his best bet for staying in the league was to play a hard-hitting game:

"“I knew that if I played a tough game — and not too many guys did — that it would only help in their decision of whether or not to keep me. So I erred on the side of scrapping more.”"

Odgy was an enforcer in the truest hockey sense of the word. He fought to protect his teammates and for the pride of his team. Though he logged 2,437 penalty minutes in 821 games, he was never known for being a dirty player. Odgy may have looked like a troll, but he was pretty princely as a team player.

X-Patrick Bordeleau, 2007-present

Come to Bordie — what’s to fear from such a cute goon? Mandatory Credit: Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports

Despite his hulking size — 6-foot-6, 225 pounds —  Patrick Bordeleau is not a scary hockey enforcer. Make no mistake, he’s a fighter with a wicked reach. He’s missing teeth. He’s tatted. But he’s just too… cute to be scary. He’s the T-Bear of enforcers.

Bordie spent five seasons as the enforcer for the Avalanche AHL affiliate Lake Erie Monsters. He eventually distinguished himself as one of the heavyweights in that league. He had a couple preseason chances with the Avs until finally breaking into the lineup for the 2012-13 season. One of the best aspects of Bordie  is that he always goes hard against the team that actually drafted him, the Minnesota Wild. We approve of that.

Bordie is currently out of the Avalanche roster while he recovers from back surgery.

So, what do you think, Avs Nation? Who was the scariest Avalanche enforcer?