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If you’ve been a Colorado Avalanche fan since the early days, you have an innate hate for the Detroit Red Wings. That’s fine. Hate the Wings to your heart’s content.
They’re in the Eastern Conference, though, rendering the Avalanche’s long-standing rivalry with them dead. That’s ok, though, because there’s a new rival in town — the Minnesota Wild.
Unconvinced? Well, read on for reasons to hate the Minnesota Wild.
#1: Constipated Hockey
The Minnesota Wild play a style of hockey that I call “mucky in the middle” or “constipated.” They like to clog up the neutral zone. In fact, you could call them sloths in the neutral zone. They have no speed anywhere, and their accuracy of shots is severely lacking.
They play a defensive style of hockey that is somewhat successful. However, as Colorado sports fans, we’re not big on defensive style of play in any of our sports. We don’t care how successful a defensive style makes you — if it’s not exciting to watch, we’ll just go play our own sport.
Even native Minnesotan Erik Johnson calls Wild hockey “boring.”
#2: Goon Tactics
The Minnesota Wild have never met a good they didn’t love. They employed Zenon Kenopka for the longest time. They still employ Matt Cooke, a player so dirty he has inspired new rules with the NHL Department of Player Safety. And they recently acquired Stu Bickel, renowned for his fighting and little else.
Seriously, Minnie, join the 21st century — goon tactics are so last millennium.
#3: Premature Endings
Puck Prose
What was your reaction to the Game 7 overtime loss in the first round of the 2013 playoffs? I don’t want to admit what mine was, but suffice it to say, it wasn’t philosophical.
The Avalanche made great strides last season. Joe Sakic and Patrick Roy returned, we had a crop of talented players and a wonder rookie. It was the age of hope. It was the season of “Why not us?”
The Minnesota Wild answered that with seven games of dirty play and mucky hockey culminating in approximately five minutes of superior hockey on their part. That is reason alone to hate Minnie.
And if that’s not enough…
#4: Matt Cooke
The Avalanche lost offensive defenseman Tyson Barrie in Game 3. He was out for the remainder of the playoffs due to an illegal — and “allegedly deliberate” — knee-on-knee hit:
Matt Cooke is known for being a dirty player. He’s been suspended numerous times for injuring opponents with his illegal hits. In fact, he once blindsided current teammate Zach Parise into the bench, when they were opponents. He’s had so many knee-on-knee and boarding hits, that it’s not even funny.
The Minnesota Wild as an organization and Mike Yeo as a coach know this. Do you think it concerns them that they employ a patently dirty player? Of course it does — that’s the way they want it, otherwise they would corral him.
So, Avs Nation, time to hate on the Minnesota Wild: